The life and times of an Irish Mother

Virgo News Virgo Love

Monday, April 30, 2012  By Rick Levine You have the natural ability to sense what ails those you love now. Fortunately, you can use this intuition in a way that allows you to be very gracious, and therefore emotionally accessible to your partner or friend. However, trying to cover up your fussier side is a mistake. Instead, just engage others with humility and compassion when discussing difficult issues. This isn't the time to be overly critical; show your magnanimity through acts of forgiveness, instead.

diva  (f)   divo (m)   Slang

noun

• one who behaves as a god/dess or king/queen. A diva is a celebrated fe/male singer, similar to a "prima donna" (literally "first lady.") Both the terms "diva" and "prima donna" are now used disparagingly for someone who acts overly entitled.

(breathing exercises inserted regularly + mantra “ this too shall pass”)

The Evil ™ contract is down to nit picking details such as the mockups reflect that data entered not be D. Davison but D Davison, that the rows are 24px, not 23px, and other small ( to me) details.  Yes, I am aware that these aspects need to be captured and specified to the Developers and here is where I return to a building soap box.  These aspects need to be in a UI specs doc and the Style Guide with the Mockups used for General Visual Reference. This wouldn’t be as big a ‘spine setter’ as it is becoming if the UX individual was not as much of a Diva/o as they are.   

"There will be some changes. Nothing major. Just places where your images aren't lining up with my ( implied word inserted here of PERFECT ) wireframes." Pity I should tell them that more than half of the catches from up line are also on THEIR wireframes but there is no point to doing so.  I could also point out that clearer communication as to which of the wireframes ( and the related mockup files) they are referring to would go a long way to ensuring speedy and correct mockups.  And if they weren’t sending me new wireframes every 3 hours with the statement “ there will be more changes but this is good for now”... it would be easier to keep up with Changes.

This could be summed up as:

Bad Process + Diva/o + remote working = heavy stressors.

Would it be less if I were in office?  That line of the equation would be replaced to be:

Bad Process + Diva/o + (onsite + [suppressed desire to stomp on toe +/- poke in eye] ) = heavy stressors.

Either way, can’t wait for a new project that will allow free form thinking and concept design creativity! 

Had my first massage today in years.  It makes me laugh how they under estimate the tension in my back.

 " ya ya ya... tight." insert eye roll.  
        Then they get started.. " wow.. there is some tension knots here...."  
             then progresses into.. " You ARE a tension knot"...
                                and the session usually closes with a " You are going to need more than one session...."
which I knew in the beginning.  :J  

                                    They never get even half the work done they aim at.  :)    

Being underestimated makes me roll my eyes.

Wikipedia speaks about the Virgo as:

 having an instinct towards changeability and an easy ability to let go of past situations in preparation for future needs. The sign is governed by Mercury, the planet of dexterity, communication, interchange of ideas and study. Mercury is also exalted in this sign, which as an "earth-sign" is marked by practicality and perseverance. This gives an ideal balance between ingenuity of mind, and sharp intellect, and the strength of will needed to see creative ideas through to completion. In the other elements a strong Mercury can indicate fickleness or unhealthy restlessness, but Virgo's earthy qualities steady this trait and gives an excellent eye for detail. Virgos are reputed to be adept at languages, to possess a love of literature, a deep interest in history and statistics, and a good memory for details. ^[5]

Virgo is considered a negative polarity or passive (introvert) sign.^[6] This gives the characteristics of being reflective and receptive to the ideas of others. This passivity, accompanied by a flair for discrimination and eloquence with words has given Virgos a reputation for civility and good manners. They are said to have a talent for projects which require precision and detail, and to excel at skills and crafts which require patience and exactitude. On the negative, they are highly sensitive to perceived criticism, and can appear to worry unduly about the need to make things as perfect as they can be.^[7]:21 Joanna Watters (2003) defined a key phrase for this sign as "I serve", and summarises the Virgo reputation for over-analysing emotions by saying:"One of the Virgo lessons in life is to learn that to err is human, to forgive divine, especially when it comes to love.



well.. that's pretty bang on I think.  Sigh.  Crap.  :J

  Your success is directly ______  by your Demons.  

Proportional? Demoralized?  Eroded?  Destroyed?

Ambition + skill + work [to the power of repeat] + {little bit of luck} = Success
Ambition + skill + work [to the power of repeat] + {little bit of luck} + Success = (Success+ Success)

SO here I sit.
Looking at this equation and realising that if I increase any factor the results will increase.  If something is holding me back... then ...  Deal with it.

Ambition + skill + (work [to the power of repeat] x1.25) + {little bit of luck/2} + Success = Success [to the power of Success]


The biggest impact on the equation that breaks it down is The Demons.  The words " can't", " fake", " fraud", and the non-verbalized snorts of derision and mockery that stem from my own personal perceptions and interpretations of experiences up to this point.  Hell... even from this point forward. 

Areas to work then ( in addition to the existing factors) is Perception of Successes.   Too much for my brain right now.  Just need to work on the Work[to the power of repeat].  oih!

I stopped. I stopped taking pictures. I stopped writing blog entries. I stopped writing in my journal. I stopped writing letters. I stopped so many things. I just did.

Out of fear.
Fear of living in a small town of close minded individuals of such a conservative nature that I knew I would never truly fit in with the safe freedom of being who I perceive myself to be.

Judge Jury and Executioner I stopped doing what I do because... well. I didn't feel it was safe.

Do I care? If I didn't I wouldn't have stopped. I do care. I care about the looks and the judgements and the impacts ( and thoughts) of my family tree and the community around me.

Does that need to change? Yes. It is a fearful and demoralizing place to be. Unsafe.

To quote an Almost Dead 3rd Grade Teacher... Things can grow in the shade but NOTHING can grow under a shadow.

I am tired of living under a shadow.

A shadow of social condemnation and rejection.
Tired enough to stop playing the game? Perhaps. With moderation perhaps.

Let's start here.

Sitting at MY desk in MY bedroom looking out over MY yard and it's first dusting of white frost. My desk, My room, MY yard. Kinda wigging me out a little. The ink isn't dry yet on the agreement but it has the handshake agreement in place. 2 year rent to purchase on a 1 acre piece of property and two story home. Our home. *blinks* a strange place of real & surreal...

We are purchasing my parents home from them. The nice thing is that we are already living in it so we don' have to " move" too far. The downside is that we have to pack and move THEM to their new home before we can truly lick it and make it ours. ( Not completely true... I have already licked the dining room...). For years our family has joked that they left me behind in my late teens when they " moved in the night" to BC from Manitoba. It has been a good source of chuckles and "no shit!" stories. Now we get to add to the teasing that we evicted them from their house! The best part of both stories is there is no truth behind it and the rumor mill will have a field day with it... generating more laughter for us at the ludicrous things that will come back to us.

The truth is... Mom and Dad are ready to move to " more compact... less work" and have even found a place that might fit that bill ( if all goes right). For them, they get the ease of selling this house without having to do the inevitable repair/make over that real estate agents ' highly recommend' to make it marketable, the ability to help out their kids ( something that Dad feels IS his legacy far more than empires and bank accounts), and they get to find the house that they always wanted rather than the one that will " do". WE get the benefit of a rent to own, ( coming up with down payments is ludicrously difficult ) the reassurance of KNOWING the flaws in the house, and a GREAT price to round it out. All around it is a Win - Win.

This does not mean there are not the hurdles of personal worries and emotions. ( Duh! Human. ) Hubby and I struggle with the guilt of truly FEELING like we are evicting them and will, more than likely, continue to feel that way until Mom and Dad are happily settled into their new home. We both NEED to ensure that they come out of this arrangement ahead and happy. No Epic Sacrifices or Martyring Allowed. We ensure that we deal with this through constant open communication.

I am struggling with the amount of work that has to be done to pack up. I desperately want to paint the living room and truly make it ours but have set myself the goal that it can not be done until their possessions ( at least for the most part) are packed up. My reward at the end of the toils. Ms Mary has been a GOD SEND to me. Her two days of power packing with me has made such a world of difference that I can actually see the task as manageable now. Combine that with my growing pride and respect for my Dman... who has hauled EVERY SINGLE BOX AND PIECE OF FURNITURE out to the storage shed has me feeling supported and loved.

Mother is struggling with being distant on so many levels. I can understand the concerns about being 8 hours away from your home during a time like this. My move from Calgary to Ques was done with the help of Calgary Tribe members and my darling hubby and it was horribly difficult to feel so... useless at a time when your own home is needing your efforts. The feelings of 'dumping on', losing control, and inability to picture things makes for a huge emotional roller coaster. At the same time she is dealing with the work load of packing and prepping for her move from Vancouver to Ques in November AND the acquisition of a new home and all the work to be done ( or organize being done) there. A brainful to say the least.

My Dad, bless his soul, is dealing with all the financial and contractor sides of home sale, home inspections, and home purchase. Doing his utmost best at keeping the cats herded and everything moving forward in a timely fashion. This is one hell of a household of women to keep ( LAUGHING ALREADY) " Under Control" and when the universe decides it wants us to have something... it is a locomotive going downhill with no brakes with Agnes on the cow catcher yelling WOOOOO WHOOOO!!!! ( I know for a fact that my father is usually inside muttering 'crazy b!@$&' )

Each member of our family is dealing with so much and we are all doing our best to "keep our shit to ourselves" and to communicate as openly and concisely as possible. It is a crazy and amazing time of potential and amazing-ness that is scaring the CRAP out of all of us. LOL.

We ' own' a house!!!! ( that is the sound of my brain snapping)

To do lists stack up in my head. I use them like a cruel jockey with a narrow riding crop on my stubborn mare motivation. Needless to say, there is a lot of bucking!

Financial
Housework
Webwork
RCAC
Art

...

Heck... toss relationships in there too. NOT that they aren't important, they just don't call you at 7 am demanding payments on outstanding debt!

It would be so easy to talk about doing rather than doing though. *SNAP SNORT! ya ya ya... moving forward!

Sometimes opportunities come along to remind you that you don't HAVE to take them.

I was offered a job. Long story short... the interview that offered " A couple of days a week" and promised that the holidays I had prebooked would " be no problem" turned into 6 days a week and the holidays NOT available. After some POORLY veiled threats, accusations of MY lack of flexibility and reliability and several other uncalled for dramatics, I agreed that yes she should " begin interviewing again." The owner's conduct since then has been petty and juvenile and confirms to me that I cut my losses at a good time.

Sadly, it is not the Store Manager that I have had this clash with. She and the other senior employee I completely enjoyed working with and would have been wonderful over the long haul. The manager was extremely understanding over the situation and commiserated about the owner being " challenging" ( to say the least.) She allowed me to walk away from the offer knowing that I had not lost respect in her eyes or her perspectives and that, if ever needed, she would be a good character reference.

So for 12 days( of which I worked all but 4) I worked a retail job for $9 an hour what would have been enjoyable and rewarding if there had been respect from the owner. That one key thing was missing and it was already impacting home and my stress levels. I was proud of my conduct, dedication and flexibility ( willingly starting on the 12th even though I had said I was not available till the 20th). I proved I could do the job.

That doesn't mean I have to.

In those simple 12 days I saw the pattern of giving up everything else that I took pride in to attempt to mold myself to the self perceived social pressure of having a " day gig", a 9-5'er paycheck that validates your worth and existence. I was having to cancel classes I was teaching, put aside projects and delegate more home to hubby and kids. Pretty much every creative aspect of me was having to be put on the shelf ( literally and figuratively ) and replaced with a nominal paycheck and someone else's dream.

Pass.

The validation it gave me is that I am worth more than $9/hr. My life is dynamic and rewarding and my creativity will ever enable me to put the eggs on the table to add to my husband's "bringing home the bacon" labors.


So, sometimes walking through an open door does not mean you have to accept it! That opportunity may be there to remind you that you WERE on the right path and that the universe was exactly what it needed to be!

I'm good with that.

Today's Experiences:

Never before have I been able to use the term " heady" to describe the smell of flowers.  Towering magnolias, cereal bowl roses, and vaulting honey suckles.  Promptly followed by the cat urine smell of junipers.

Being able to relate to "5 miles uphill... both ways"

The smells of thousands of cooking suppers pouring from thousands of windows carried on the same breeze. 

the moment of trepidation as the elevator door reopens before moving and you realize you won't be riding alone.

Soothing pitter patter of refreshing rain.